but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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