let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
