White coat. Heels.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
