It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
