im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
