The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
