I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
