She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
never play flip cup with pint glasses
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
