I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
