Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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