I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
