if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
