You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
