im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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