I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
