Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You have to summon your inner elephant
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
