i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
