Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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