you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize