it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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