So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
