that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
