Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
