yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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