Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
