Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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