I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
