I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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