I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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