i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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