You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
