you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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