This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
