Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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