I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
