Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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