Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
