When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
