I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
