just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
