I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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