He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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