If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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