i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
