He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
