my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
