so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
