you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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