went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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