Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh god it's open bar.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
