My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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