I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My vagina is officially offended.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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